A Thundering Herd of Drunk Unicorns | Sober and Unashamed

Why do we all think we’re different? Like we are the one and only person who can control the uncontrollable? Like we invented the concept of putting rules around our drinking? Like we are the only earthling with a nagging spouse who is making marriage impossible (it’s a good thing we’ve figured out alcohol so we have something to soothe us in the face of being married to a tyrant)?

Why do we think we’re unicorns?

If we are unicorns, then unicorns aren’t really all that rare. In fact, there are millions of us. Unicorns must wear blinders like race horses. How else can I explain all the stories I’ve heard — the same stories — the similar stories — the stories of otherwise intelligent, caring, responsible people doing the exact same illogical things, trying objectively failed tactics and embracing denial like they are doing scientific research on a brand new toxin (alcohol) that was only just invented (discovered?) in 7,000 B.C.?

Yeah, you’re probably right. You’ll be the one to crack the code and figure it out. Because no one is as smart and creative as you.

Here’s my personal favorite set of drinking rules. On the week nights, I was allowed two cocktails after work. So I poured my bourbon or vodka on the rocks into a tumbler the size of a crude-oil…