Evolving into Sobriety

There. It’s done. I just decided that I’m done drinking alcohol. I’m sober now. There’s just too much pain, deceit and insanity. End of discussion. It’s over.

I had those very thoughts, full of determination and resolve, more times than I could count. It seemed so simple to me — severe and punitive — but simple just the same. I am strong and definitive. I’ve made thousands of decisions over the first half of my lifetime, and I have a very good track record of follow through. I don’t waiver or vacillate. I analyze, decide and execute. No analysis paralysis for me. Let’s go.

And that’s why my relationship with alcohol was so diabolical and transfixing to me. I couldn’t leave it behind no matter how determined I was, and no matter how good my track record for decision making otherwise was. Alcohol was like a permanent fixture, an irreversible commitment tattooed on my soul

What I didn’t understand at the time was that alcohol isn’t a decision, at least not once we’ve crossed that invisible line into addiction. Once we’ve trained our neurotransmitters to depend on alcohol to stimulate the release of dopamine, serotonin, gaba and endorphins, the lesson is not easily unlearned. And once our subconscious minds incorporate alcohol into our daily or weekly patterns, the reprogramming required to replace booze in our lives is daunting and takes months or years to accomplish.

There. It’s done. I’m sober now. Determined commitment like that was no match for the power of alcohol. It didn’t matter what I had…