He’s Not to Blame | Sober and Unashamed

I’ve always known he did his best. That was never in question. For many years now, however, I wallowed in my belief that his best wasn’t good enough — that he should have done more and known better. But time, when combined with an open mind and considerable reflection and contemplation, is a powerful potion to heal old wounds.

I’ve long blamed my dad. Now I’m not so sure…

It’s amazing how much we learn from our parents — much of the knowledge transferred magically without a word spoken. This is a lesson I’ve learned the hard way with my own kids. As a drinker, I blindly assumed that my kids weren’t paying attention. When I whisper-fought with my wife late into the night, or when the beer bottles piled up in the recycling bin, I knew my wife was painfully aware, but I honestly didn’t think my kids noticed or cared about my drinking. I know now that they were paying attention. Children are intuitive, and they take their cues about life from their parents. My alcoholism wasn’t just punishing my wife and me, my love affair with alcohol terrorized my kids as well.

When I was still drinking, I was oblivious. That’s hard to believe considering the impact my father’s drinking had on me.

My dad drank gin and tonics every evening of my childhood. He drank beer on the weekend afternoons of my youth after mowing…