Inevitability of an Alcoholic Divorce

Do you think couples know they are getting a divorce before they do? Like all things in an alcoholic marriage, aren’t they in denial until the truth is inevitable? Don’t they resist until the end is unavoidable? My wife and I are struggling mightily. But I think we’ll make it. Then again, I don’t know the answers to my own questions.

When I was an active alcoholic, I knew there were issues in my marriage. We fought a lot, and the arguments were vicious. For the longest time, I denied they were out of the ordinary for normal married couples. I couldn’t see my own ignorance. I was in denial. Denial is what we alcoholics do best.

When I first got sober, I expected my sobriety to fix everything. If alcoholism was the cause of all of our issues, sobriety had to be the cure. I was naive again. Sobriety, it turns out, doesn’t fix anything. Removing alcohol just lifts the veil of denial leaving all the problems exposed. Sobriety isn’t the solution. Sobriety allows the work to begin. I’ve written extensively about it. That’s not what this post is about. This post goes much deeper.

My wife, Sheri, is the product of two divorces in her formative years, while my parents are still married to this day. If you’ve never learned how dramatically our adult lives are informed by our childhoods, then you probably haven’t battled trauma, asked…