Loneliness of Alcoholism

I imagine my summer vacation with my extended family is a lot like most. Lots of warm, squeezy greetings between adult siblings and cousins who live across the great expanse one from another. Sincere desires to keep in better touch that are, in reality, words wasted due to busy schedules and naturally occurring self absorption. A Christmas card. Maybe a birthday text. Then the one week spent together every summer rolls back around.

Kid cousins play together like no time has elapsed since last year. Grandparents bursting with enthusiasm for grandchildren, while my generation looks and feels hagarred from cross-country travel. “How’s work?” “What sports are the kids playing?” “What grade will you be in next year?” The questions roll off our tongues like icebreakers among people we’ve known all our lives. We’re genuinely interested in the answers both because we’re genuinely interested and because we’re looking for some fun nugget to kickstart the inevitable laughter.

The kids play, the grandparents gush and my generation catches up on 358 days of normal. Family fits together like a jigsaw puzzle, and everyone knows his place. At least, almost everyone.

I’m the only adult in my family who doesn’t drink. My mom goes out of her way to have non-alcoholic beverages I enjoy, and it has been a long time since I felt any shame from my sobriety. Still, being…