Lonely when We’re not Alone: Are We Doing Relationships Wrong?

The epidemic of loneliness has received increasing levels of attention in recent years since former United States Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy brought to our attention that isolation is as dangerous to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and is more deadly than obesity.

It is counterintuitive that in an age with the most technological methods of connection in human history, nearly half of all American adults report feeling lonely.

Sometimes social media is blamed for our loneliness, as we learn the dangers of looking for connections in our devices. Sometimes the increasing rate of people living alone and the shrinking of the family unit are cited as the reasons loneliness is on the rise.

But what if we can’t see the cause of our deadly isolation? What if we can’t address one of the major contributors to the epidemic of loneliness because it’s hiding in plain sight?

What if our relationships are making us lonely? What if our interactions with our friends and partners are making us sick? What if we are doing it wrong?

True, meaningful, health-improving connection with other humans is widely believed to rely on honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity in our communications with one another. Therein lies the problem. Openly…