The Loneliness of Loving an Alcoholic

I listened yesterday to Dax Shepard and Glennon Doyle talking on Dax’s podcast ( Armchair Expert — it’s my favorite) about how in many ways, it is harder to be a high-functioning alcoholic than an obnoxious, obvious, stumbling lush. When we keep our predilection quietly hidden behind a veil of normalcy and productivity, not only must we manage the internal chaos of alcoholism, but we also expend incalculable energy keeping our secrets hidden. We all agreed this was a valid and significant point (they agreed, and I was nodding, but I feel like they could sense my support).

Do you know what’s even harder than a high-functioning alcoholic? It’s a high-functioning alcoholic. The deceit is still there. All the downplaying, making excuses and covering up still exists, but by participating in the denials, the loved one is perpetuating the disease and dysfunction that they so loath. It must feel like constantly painting the house that your alcoholic is trying to tear down from the inside out.

“Enabling,” is on the long list of alcoholism-related words that I hate. The loved ones of alcoholics are often accused of enabling their drinker if they stay in relationship, participate in the cover-up, make decisions to ease the stress on the family, agree to have sex when their spouse is drunk, show appreciating for their drunken life partner, etc. It is a no win…