The Shameful Truth of an Alcoholic Fatherhood | Sober and Unashamed

I was shocked when he said it. Not only did he admit to letting his drinking get in the way of spending time with his children, but even when he was actively engaged with his kids, he didn’t enjoy it. He wanted to be somewhere else. The connection with his own flesh and blood was empty for him.

For a proud father, that was a bold and vulnerable admission. I know a thing or two about vulnerability. I have written and spoken publicly about some of my most despicable behavior. But I have never admitted to hating spending time with my children.

I shared my friend’s sentiments. When I was in active addiction, sober or drinking, I didn’t enjoy being with my kids.

The pull to the thing I called “relaxation” was strong. I wanted an altered state of consciousness. I wanted to numb reality. I wanted to zone out in front of the television. I did not want to play Monopoly or shoot hoops or go for a bike ride. I didn’t want to connect — not with nature, not with brain stimulation, not with exercise, and definitely not with my kids.

Whoa…that is a big and shame-filled admission for me that I would never have had the courage to admit without the permission given to me by the admission of my…