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The Three Reasons I’m an Alcoholic
Alcoholics use alcohol to escape — to hide from some disturbing piece of our lives we find unmanageable and prefer to drown rather than address. For many, it is a childhood trauma or a young adult betrayal like a molestation, assault or some other kind of abuse at the hands of a deranged relative or trusted person in a position of authority. For a while, the alcohol works well, pushing the memories deep down and rendering them impotent. But eventually, it stops working. Alcohol becomes fuel on a smoldering hurt that burns deep in our souls. Alcohol transitions from hiding our pain to making it unbearable.
That’s how it works, right? We are always looking for the underlying reason for our addiction. Sure, we drink too much, but that’s really more of an effect rather than the cause of our disease, right? There’s got to be something deeper — a secret — something we hide not just from those around us, but even from our own conscious selves.
I’ve spent a lot of time trying to uncover the hidden trauma that led to my alcoholism. Was it the anguish from growing up with two loving parents that remain happily married? Was it the agony from having enough to eat, plenty of clothes and a safe, warm place to live my whole life? Maybe the misery of a younger sister that adored me and looked up to me was just too much torture. The most difficult thing I had to manage in my…
