This is My Journal. This is My Darkness.

This is my journal. Which is kind of weird, because most people keep the contents of their journals pretty private. It’s the place they work out their neuroses, download their self-doubt and basically try to write themselves into being better people (or at least feeling better about the people they are).

That’s what I do here, too, I just don’t seem to care who reads it. It’s like I have a genetic flaw that makes me publish my darkness. I don’t understand why I don’t care. I guess I figure that the internet is an endless expanse, and while my most private thoughts are most public, I feel like you’ve got to have a pretty good reason to be looking if you are going to stumble onto my ramblings.

I remember the first blog post I ever published. I had it set to automatically release at 3am. I woke up at 5am and rushed to the computer to see how many views and comments I had. At the time, I had no email list, no social media presence — I don’t know how I thought people would magically seek out my blog post. They didn’t. The internet is almost infinitely full of people’s profoundness, and I’m a nobody. Still, I was disappointed.

But maybe that experience of a tree falling silently in the forest is the reason I journal out loud. The only people who read my blog either love me, or share at least one of my unsavory characteristics, so…